Mama died Last week Thursday morning, 10 days ago. I believe it was a series of events that caused her to stop breathing, otherwise she should be here with me enjoying her day.
Yesterday was her funeral.
It was a very nice down to erath funeral and she would have oved to be there. The priest spoke very well and I went up to tell him that later. He spoke in two parts. First he spoke about his own health and then said that we will all die. We will go to sleep and not know if we will wake up. We will wake up and not know if we will go to sleep. He spoke very calmly, cdown to earth and casual. After about 10 minutes, he said he almost forgot, he has a biography to read. He said he didn't know who wrote it but it was very well written. It started with Zoriana Alexandra Maria Sokolsky was born in Pidhajchi, Ukraine in September 1931. Her short form friendly name was "Zirka" which means "star" and on Thursday, September 27, Zirka returned to heaven.
After, we went downstairs and caterers brought a beautiful Ukrainian meal. I sat with Markian and Natalia wo just went on about the cups that she was broken with my mom for giving two aaway to a jewish friend for his weding. She had three cups which she gave to a Jewish musiunm in Ukraine but she wanted the other two to make a set even thogh they coouln't find the sixth one. I said I would ask if he wants to give it back, but this was over the top, its ok. Julia gave an exellant speach being funny and Valia started to cry through her words and I don't remember what she said. I got up and asked Roka a few times to come up with me but no. I wanted to speak in the moment. I looked at the audience and paused and started by thanking them and if Mama can see them she is very grateful to everyone who made the effort especially coming Natalia and Markian coming from Denver. It is nice to be together with everyone. I mentioned that we all or most have or had a mother and this relationship between mother and child is repeated throughout the world since the beginning and even throgh the animal kingdom. It's a special loving relationship. I used to think that I built my self up and was an individual, but spending the last few years with my mother I saw that I am the same ass her. We both had our DNA tested and I realize that her DNA is what I am made of. I din't make myself. Her flesh and blood is my flesh and blood. And in this way she will live on in me. and my sister. We will carry on her legacy, with everything we are and everthing we learned from her.
The priest mentioned about love. He said when her was in Liverpool, England The Beatles sang, "All you need is love, love is all you need". More and more I believe this. This is what my mother wanted most is for her family to get along and to love one another. When we don't love another then we don't love ourselves.
When Roka and Walter wanted to have a meal catered I was against it. but, I was wrong, this was a beautiful meal and Mama would have loved it. I mentioned about Mam's baking that Walter mentioned that Mama wanted to make a cake for her sister's birthday and she asked to to get the pan, then get the cream and the beater, so finally this was ow she baked. but, the humor got lost so I carried on. I thanked everyone again and Mama would have loved to be here.
Roka wanted to donate the flowers to the church and I asked to ake them home because Mama would love to have them in her home. Roka then decided to take one of them. I also took the roses of the grave site and would have taken thee ones off the coffin because they will just rot there but Roka wanted to leave them on, The flowers are very beautiful at home. Mama would absolutely love them. Too bad they were for her funeral.
One thing did upset me was that there were flowers with a large banner, the biggest banner, which said from Yarko. What the hell? Why did he feel the need to push himself into her funeral and especially to broadcast it to everyone. She has a husband, Ostap who was very good to her and not Yarko who was not and just romenter her and our family since 1959. He mistreated his second wife Roberta and when she died he found another tht I am sure I didn't love either, so now he wanted to show my mother. My mother never forgave him for what he did and now I understand why and will carry that on too. More on that later.
We drove to the cemetarry. There was a small group of about 10 to 15 people. The priest said a few words in the cold, we put roses on teh coffin. We cried and then stood around a bit then everyone left. I went over to the coffin alone and said Mama, where are you, how did we get here? and I love you.
Then I drove to Scarborough r the car drove me to Scarborough because I could not have weaved in and out of the traffic like it did. We got home with 99 klms left and I plugged it in. I went inside took pictures of myself in my dark suit and coat, then took everyting off and put on my slipperes and sweat pants and just sat there.